When your love language is Quality Time
Fernanda Ramirez, Sunday September 2, 2018
What do you want? This is a question that I have been asking myself in my solitude. At moments I have the answer, especially when it´s an immediate desire: I want Chick-fil-a; I want to drink a beer and watch Sex and the City; I want to go to the mall and for no reason; easy and immediate desires. When it comes to actual long-term decisions though, I have a hard time defining what I want. My answers seem to be always abstract. Yes I want to travel, yes I want to be successful in my career, I just do not know where to begin. At the moment, I am struggling with defining what I want out of life in general. And maybe its because there should be a limit to the number of expectations we set for each other. But if there is something I have learned about myself in this process of self-reflection, is that when it comes to social relationships, it is best to come with a clear head of what you want from that person.
Living alone affects your outlook on life more tan you can imagine. As an extroverted person who enjoys a balanced social-personal life, I get really overwhelmed when one thing weighs more than the other. I also value my time so much more and I am very conscious of whom I spend it with. I want my social time to be worth it, valuable, and enjoyable. I am trying to deal with the disappointment of not finding people as like-minded as me. When I do not enjoy the company of someone I am spending my social hour with, I consider it wasted time because I´m more in my head than in the conversation.
This is something that is probably hard to understand for a person that does not live alone and is constantly interacting, (consciously and subconsciously), with other humans. But when you live alone, the silence lets you listen clearly to your thoughts, the voice you hear the most is your own and the person you interact with the most is yourself. So when you socialize, you do it so you can listen to someone else´s voice and thoughts rather than your own, and finding people that can actually get you out of your head can be a frustrating process. In simpler words, if I can still listen to my thoughts while I am spending time with you, that means I did not fulfill the purpose of going out. Being aware of this, has made it easier for me to distinguish who REALLY is a good fit with me and who is not. It has made me value the person that has taken me out of my zone so much more. It would be easy to say I REFUSE to waste my time and words with a close minded person, someone that I am not compatible with, but this is something that will never stop happening. Maybe instead of calling it wasted time we should consider it a lesson learned. After all, as I recall from a Pinterest quote, ¨a wise person knows there is something to be learned from everyone.¨
I have constantly read about how important it is to spend your time with people who uplift you and inspire you. Putting this into practice is a fervent process; the disappointment is rough, but the victories are savory. Please know that if I seek you out, it is because I genuinely value you.
(P.S This is not meant to sound condescending, I of course give everyone I meet and interact with a chance, but there is only so much you can do to accept the fact that that person and you are not suitable.)
Did I explain myself? Can you relate?
What the thoughts? 